allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
