So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
