names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
