when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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