I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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