my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
