my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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