Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize