I must be too annoying 4 u.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
