Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
