you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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