Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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