You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
