She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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