i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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