I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did you just see the Batmobile???
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
