i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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