If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
