My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize