best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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