Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
