Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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