Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
