he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
