Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
