whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just want to make out with him forever
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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