You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
