I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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