Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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