oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think my moral compass just broke
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
