Whod you bang
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
