i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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