I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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