the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
