he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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