Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
