Porn is love you can see.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I intend to get homeless drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
