the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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