So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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