I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
