In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
