Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
