Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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