Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
