Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
