Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
