I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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