I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
