Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
