he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
