There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
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