Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I could fuck to npr.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
