I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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