Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
