what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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