You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
