i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
