Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
