remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
