Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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