I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
