my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
