fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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