I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
