shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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