she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
