So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
