I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
