Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize