Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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