So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
