True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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