he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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