Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
