2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
